Fandom: Super Junior
Word count: 1037
Previous chapters: Ch 1
This is even more disjointed than before!
Song lyrics from: Rufus Wainwright - Leaving for Paris part 2
Thank you, meanho for the help with Chinese ♥
The letter arrives on a Tuesday.
He doesn’t know it’s there yet, but he still expectantly goes to the mailbox, his heart beating just a little bit faster than usual.
He sees the thick A4 envelope and he breaks out into a smile, because he knows that this is it.
At the same time, something inside of him breaks.
It had been almost a year. He was now in his fourth year of piano studies, still secretly afraid of losing everything again. He had become more confident, though. The thoughts not plaguing his mind every day, every god damn hour. Now they were like a cold that came by every once in a while...never staying around for long and always leaving quite unnoticably.
Zhou Mi had decided to go on to graduate school at Seoul National University. He had become even more passionate, never slacking, never saying nor thinking „I’m too tired“ or „I don’t want this right now“. His apartment was always filled with music- coming from his endless collection of cds and records or from the newly acquired piano he’d worked and exhausted himself for.
There was a force inside him, that sometimes almost scared Kyuhyun.
He rips open the envelope, pulls out the papers and his smile grows even wider when reading the first sentence, trying hard to forget the hurt for just this one moment:
Dear Mr. Kyuhyun Cho,
Congratulations on your admission to Le Conservatoire de Paris.
He still manages to let out a laugh.
I'm leaving for Paris.
I don't think that I'll see you.
I'm leaving for Paris.
No I don't think that I need to.
In his head, Zhou Mi used to divide his love into two big categories- music and Kyuhyun. Sometimes he felt a bit guilty, though, and thought that putting Kyuhyun under music might be better, because that is how he sees the younger boy. Kyuhyun’s life is music, there is no way around that fact. And even though Zhou Mi would never tell him, Kyuhyun is his music. The thing that fills his mind most of the time, the thing that inspires him, the thing that he loves the most.
This is better.
This way he can say that he loves both with all of his heart.
Kyuhyun isn’t quite so bothered with the division of his love. He loves Zhou Mi and that’s that. He seldom says it out loud, but they both know it’s true.
Their love is unquestionable, but it’s forever shrouded in secrets.
The younger boy never talks much and even now, Zhou Mi knows almost next to nothing about Kyuhyun’s life before he was accepted into university. He only knows the handful of facts that show just the outline of the life Kyuhyun used to lead. He knows he’ll tell him about it one day, but it’s just too early right now.
Kyuhyun wishes he could keep this- this letter and everything it symbolizes, locked in himself. He wishes there were a way where he wouldn’t have to tell Zhou Mi about this. Where he wouldn’t have to hurt him. Where he wouldn’t have to leave him.
But he made up his mind a long time ago. He can only hope that all of this is worth what he is giving up.
So I'm leaving for Paris.
Won't you try to take care of yourself.
Two weeks have passed already.
Pretending is much more painful when the person you love is involved.
That evening, pretending to go to the bahtroom in the middle of the movie they are watching, he quietly opens Zhou Mi’s bedroom door. He breathes in the smell of the now all too familiar room and walks toward his bed. Pulling the blanket back a bit, he slips an envelope underneath it and lets his hand linger for while on the pillow, on which he’s laid his head on numerous times. For a moment, he wonders if there will be a next time.
After the movie ends, a brief kiss and he is on his way home, trying to keep his eyes dry.
I pray you won't follow
Like so many who have known me.
„I have to do this alone. I need to do this alone,“ he keeps telling himself. This is for him and him alone.
For a second, he remembers the boy with the ever-changing hair, that he had known so many years ago and shakes his head. He is more convinced of his decision than ever before.
So I'm leaving for Paris.
Don't you try to find out where I am.
Pulling back the blanket, Zhou Mi notices the fairly small envelope. On it, just a simple: „I’m going.“
He opens the envelope, to find, what must be a copy of an acceptance letter. His eyes quickly skim the page. He sees „Kyuhyun Cho“, „Paris“, „a full year scholarship“. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears and when he gets to „Orientation begins on August 20th. We suggest international students arrive at least a week earlier“, the teardrops make the ink smear.
It’s already the end of July.
„ 你连法语都不会讲，白痴,“ he almost shouts, as he crushes the paper in his hands.
„You can’t even speak French, idiot“
And when I get there.
How happy I will then be.
All his things are packed. He keeps repeating the survival phrases he learned from the small book with a map of Paris at the end. Anything to take his mind off of the person who has filled his thoughts every day and every hour for the past couple of weeks.
He is leaving on the next day. He doesn’t even expect that Zhou Mi would know that. How could he- the last word he said to him was the „Bye,“ on the older boy’s doorstep. At the end of July.
He can’t back out.
Yes I'm leaving for Paris.
He awakes to find himself lying on the sofa in his living room. Disoriented, he looks at his watch.
He hears a soft knock on his door.